Dear Fear,
I am constantly asked what scares me about these big mountain trips. The truth is that I am scared of a lot of things. My biggest fear is not surviving whatever the mountain might throw my way. i guess you could call this the unknown. wrapped in that unknown is the unforeseen wind. wind tends to break me down. It zaps my energy and makes me very cold. It is often hard to escape as there is no real place to seek shelter from it.
I have always been told that fear is a good thing in the mountains. What cannot happen is panic. Panic prevents you from being able to rely on experience and get yourself out of a bad situation. As long as you can continue to think clearly you can draw on past experiences. I must remind myself every day that I have paid my dues. I have climbed when I cannot feel my fingers. Survived an all night bivy. Crawled to the Refugio on what felt like fumes. Trained with the best. Climbed with the very experienced. Learned from my many mistakes.
Yep this my way of convincing myself I am ready. It is not easy. I want to be surrounded by those with more experience. I want to share the climb with close friends. I wish we had a medical clinic at base camp. I would like a cell tower close enough to maintain communications. I would like to have fixed lines set to the summit. I would even like to take a chopper to base camp.
With all that said, it will be more rewarding and enriching without any of the above. It is only when we push ourselves beyond our comfort zone when we truly find growth and reward. For me this is a true step from all that is secure to something that is unknown. I am excited to choose this path and walk alone towards something new. Sharon Connolly promised to sit on my shoulder and go along for the ride.
Tonya
